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For some reason, I've always felt that Sundays have a strange aura about them. I don't know what it is, really. It just feels different from other days of the week, ever since I was a kid.
Right now it's Sunday and it's raining. A rainy Sunday morning. Nothing's changed.
All I wish is that I could go. I'm tired of being dependent on other people for everything I want, need. I want to go home for the holidays. I want to go to the grocery store. I want to go outside and stand in the wet, auratic Sunday light, but nuh-uh.
I'm out of food. I'm out of food. Sometimes I sleep for 16 hours of the day. I'm supposed to take an anti-inflammatory in 15m. Everyday my ROM (range of motion) improves by 5 degrees. By the end of today, 90 degrees to go before I'm "normal".
800mg of this, 200mg of that, throw in 500mg, but don't exceed 3200mg in one day combined. Choose wisely. It's all about the math with this shit.
I don't think they realize how difficult it is to not have hands. I don't think they realize how difficult it is to have one foot. I don't think they realize how difficult it is to maneuver yourself around the apartment when there's shit everywhere. If I can clean their crap in this condition, they can clean it, too.
My stomach is growling so maybe I'll go fix myself some applesauce or milk. I'm out of food, I'm out of food. I don't want to be here anymore.
Mommy comes down tomorrow night. I've never been so thankful.
I feel guilty that I can't go to the mailbox to send my sister a letter for her birthday.
I'm tired of people genuinely asking me if there is anything I need, or if they can help me. I want to scream at most of them because they can never give me what I need, but they are too sincere, so I can't yell. Most of the time, I'm just fine, thanks.
I want to get over this in 5 months and a half, not 6 like the doctor's hope. Not a year like the average person. 5 months and a half. I want to improve my ROM by 10 degrees a day. I want to cut my leg open and let the effusion bleed out. Body, work harder, we have shit to do.
I like how I refer to my body and "I" as a separate entity. I've referred to the first person singular "I" approximately 43 times up to this point. This post really has no point other than to express myself and by bitter feelings.
I really need a shower.
These medications are making me fucking p s y c h o t i c.
It hurts, but I shouldn't care. Pain is only temporary and I have shit to do. ...After I eat my applesauce and milk. ...Then I'll sleep for 8 more hours.
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Canon EOS 500D
Canon EF 50mm f/1.8 II
Canon EF 17-40mm f/4L USM
Canon Speedlite 580EX II flash
And welcome to deviantart!
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kathryn ★ camille
Hi
I really appreciate it
-Isaiah
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My Art: [link]
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kathryn ★ camille
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